4663 - HOME

Home sweet home…

4663 might look strange to some people…but if you put it in your old-fashioned phone, you know the kind without the keyboard…the simple kind with predictive text, not an entire keyboard on something that fits in your pocket and tends to be too small for even a baby’s fingers, you’ll get a series of words…the two most important for this blog are “HOME” and “GONE”…oh how very ironic that as I was texting some of my friends that I was now “home” in the predictive text 1^st was “gone”…even more ironic since I was just contemplating whether or not I was really “home” now…I’m not really sure I know for sure…but for the time being, I think Albania is my home…what makes it my home? My routine…the one thing that has brought me comfort for so long…ROUTINE…I love routine and the comfort it affords…i used to love the fact that everytime I shaved I would start on the right side of my face, just underneath my sideburn and go from there…I used to love the fact that everyday afterwork I’d do some sort of exercise and get home around 8 pm…but that’s not what I came to Albania for..a while back I never even noticed that I always shaved the same way..but then I was reading a book, or more likely watching a movie..probably a comedian who said that I probably did…and he was right…and all the sudden…I didn’t like my routine? Why? Because it’s the routine that makes the days seem like a blur…it’s the routine that turned my 1^st week at site to my 10^th week at site before I knew it…it’s the routine that leads me one week away from being 28….i came here to be uncomfortable…I came here to break my routine…but my oh so short trip back to the US allowed me to look at my time here and realize that I’m breaking into routine again…as soon as I got home and had some time to think I realized how uncomfortable I felt…not with my friends, or my family..but with being “home” in America…all of the sudden I had these urges to live like I once had…to spend money like I used to make it…shortly after arriving home I did some grocery shopping to pick up some things people requested and a few things that I figured I’d bring back for myself..and 3 bags later (ONLY 3 BAGS)…I had spent almost two hundred dollar…thank god I’m a ralph’s club member and the big wigs at ralph’s now know everything I put in my cart..otherwise it woulda been $230 bucks..it didn’t hit me until a day later…but that’s just not me anymore…that can’t be me….i’m used to eating rice and beef for breakfast for about a dollar twenty and thinking that’s expensive…I’m used getting a scoop of icecream for 30 cents…I’m used to seeing a feather on my egg and thinking “wow these eggs are fresh”..and not “oh somebody didn’t clean my eggs”…these differences lead me to believe that Albania is currently my home, but my oh too comfortable home…I don’t want it to be comfortable..i don’t want my days to be routine, and I don’t want to finish these two years thinking “oh where did the time go?”

so now I’m going to make it a point to shave in some random spot on my face…I’m going to make it a point to spend some time working with Albanians in their fields to truly understand where my fruits, vegetables, eggs and meat come from…maybe I’ll sleep in the living room every now and again…and maybe sometimes I won’t sleep at all and watch the sunrise…I want to continue to grow and learn and to make my days mean something more than what’s presented to me…I want to present something to myself…